Well, it has been some time... hasn't it. Almost 2 months since I last posted. In all honesty, I've been debating whether or not I want to keep blogging. Life has just been really busy with Jack here and I am not sure I can devote enough time to keep this going. We'll see. I'm not jumping to any decisions just yet... so for now, i'm still here. You may be wondering why I haven't posted much, including Jack's birth story. Unfortunately, things didn't go as we would have hoped and it was quite a traumatic experience. However, I have decided to share a recap of the day. It is not easy to rehash in my mind but I believe it has made me a stronger person, and mother.
Jack's Birth Story.
I woke up Monday, July 4th, at 5:30am. Wasn't feeling much movement from Jack, so I went downstairs. I walked in the kitchen and all of a sudden felt a 'gush' and thought my water broke...only to find my tons of blood when I got into the bathroom. I called the hospital and they told me to call 911 and be brought in. The ambulance arrived shortly after and we got to the hospital in under 30 minutes... Joey followed in our packed up car (we had it packed and ready from the previous day when we were actually at the hospital since I was having tons of BH contractions and severe back pain). The ambulance ride was no comfortable, super bumpy.. but thankfully Jack started moving a ton during the ride - that eased by concerns a bit. When we got into triage I was losing a lot of blood (and clotting) and eventually started contracting and they found I was up to 4cm dilated! They told me some women just lose a lot of blood in labor and since all my vitals (and babies) were fine, they didn't seem overly concerned at that point - even though I had a deep feeling something really was wrong. They monitored me for a while and every thing seemed fairly normal, except babies HR dropped lower (85-95) a few times, when I'd contract...but that was it. After two hrs in triage and being monitored very closely, I was taken to labor and delivery. Contractions got stronger, and I was still bleeding a lot. I dilated to almost 7cm and the pain became so strong and I chose to get the epidural because I also hoped it would allow me to stay calmer since I was so worried about what was happening. I got it and quickly dilated to 10cm (this was around 1:30pm). I felt the urge to push and they then had me try pushing. At this point there were more than 8 nurses/doctors/anesthesiologists etc.... so I begin to think that something bad was happening. Anyways, they had me try pushing for a few minutes and then told me to stop because his hr was still dropping (lower than before but I refused to look at monitor, my husband later informed me it was in the 30's - thank god I didn't look) and Jack was inevitably in distress. I remember hearing "crash cart..." and "emergency" and saw them hand my husband some scrubs. They came over and told me we needed to do emergency c-section and I told them I'd do anything to keep my baby safe. I remember being pushed through the hallways, just closing my eyes and breathing and telling myself it was all going to be OK. We then got into the room, then monitored me for a few more minutes since Jack was doing better, but when they had me tried pushing again, they found out he was also "sunny side up" (hence, my severe back pain) and his heart rate was dropping again. C-section was happening. Everything happened so quickly, but Jack was pulled out and started crying instantly. Unfortunately I did have a bad reaction to the anesthesia, and with the mix of hormones and adrenaline, I felt so exhausted that I could not open my eyes for the life of me. I remember having them ask me if I wanted to see and hold Jack in the operating room, but I couldn't even move my arms - let alone lift my eyelids. It was horrible. Thankfully we were quickly brought into the recovery room where just after I few minutes I was able to open my eyes and they place him right on me. It was the most amazing moment of my life. So, long story longer... from the c-section they were able to determine that I did have a partial placental abruption (where placenta tears away from the uterine wall) - which was causing the bleeding and clots. It wasn't the way I expected the birth of our son to go - but I can tell you that I am so proud of myself for pushing my pride to the side and solely focusing on him. In truth, there really was no other option. I never had an actual birth plan and had always told my Dr that 'getting Jack out safely' was our foremost priority. At the end of the day, we got our son... it was extremely traumatic... but he is here; safe and healthy.
C-section recovery is no joke. Some women can bounce back immediately, some can't. Unfortunately I had a very rough recovery and am SO thankful my husband had a full month off to spend at home. Each day was a struggle. I was sore, swollen, in pain, bleeding, couldn't do much at all, and felt like a prisoner in my own house - since running quick errands or even going on short walks were not possible (and if I tried, I regretted it within a few hours). We also encountered tons of nursing issues that almost broke me. Thankfully after a few weeks, I started feeling more like myself. I could stand and hold Jack - not just hold him while he was eating. Nursing started improving (we found out he had an upper tie and had it revised). I was able to start going out on walks. My incision wasn't killing me. I was bleeding less. It all started feeling like things would be OK. I have my amazing husband to thank, as I could not have gotten through this without him.
As far as Jack goes... he is an absolute gem (most of the time). We love him more than words and he already has such a little personality and smiles all the time. He loves taking baths, going on walks, eating, making trips to the store, and car rides. He is no a horrible sleeper, but still wakes a 1-2 (or 3, some nights..) times a night and thankfully has been giving us some longer 4-6 hour stretches when he wants to be nice. ;) At his last appointment he was up 11lbs 11oz - and we have his two month check up tomorrow and i'm eager to see how much he has grown... because I swear he gets bigger daily. I have a few more weeks here at home with him and each day I get a little bit sadder thinking about going back to work (though its a profession I love)... I'm sure most Mom's can relate, and I have no doubt i'll be crying more than him when I drop him off at childcare.